Daily Weird #27 Bears and their Beer
76
Alcoholism is not confined to humans. Bears are getting in on the act. In Baker Lake, Washington, a bear tiptoed into a campsite where there was no alcohol. He then stomped to a different campsite where there was plenty of alcohol and sadly, no one to drink it.
The campers had packed a cooler of Busch beer and a cooler of Rainier Beer. Proving that Busch beer really is the worst beer in the entire universe, the bear drank one can of Busch, tossed it aside, and dove into the Rainier.
36 cans later; the bear fell down in a happy stupor, and went to sleep.
Were this an isolated incident, one might think it was just the case of a picky, alcoholic bear. Not so. It seems bears all across the country are waking up and realizing that, with the exception of Anheuser Busch, beer is good.
In Dunbar, West Virginia, Larry and his brother, Billy Bob, were camping at Lake Summit, when a bear walked boldly into their camp, grabbed the cooler, smashed it open on the tree, ate their food and drank three of their Coors Light. It seems bears aren’t real fond of anything that seems “diety”.
Last, but certainly not least, is the story told by a guy on Reddit. Apparently a bear on a mission checked out four cars before settling on his Jetta. The bear opened his car door (quite a feat without opposable thumbs), and slid into the passenger seat. The wind was high that day, slamming the door shut on the criminal-minded bear. Knowing he was caught, since he had yet to figure out how to open the door from the inside, the bear settled down for a long evening of debauchery.
First our naughty bear drank some beer. Then he ate some Maalox. Then, being a mammal with an intestinal tract that races when beer goes through it, he took a dump. That’s right. He emptied his intestines on the front seat of the Jetta. He may have just been making a statement; we haven’t been able to question the bear as of yet.
Hopefully, these incidences will lead investigators to the ringleader of the beer drinking bear gang. As you can see, they are populating many areas of the United States. We’re not sure as of yet if this is because the beer is better in the states, or- and we feel this is more likely-it's because the bears have yet to obtain licenses to pilot boats across the Atlantic. Chatter on the wire says they’re getting close. There have been four cases of bears attempting to get their boat licenses in Florida. Lawmakers are working to clamp down on this gang as of tomorrow.
In the meantime, keep your beer in your fridge, or, if you must take it with you, make sure to bring Anheuser Busch.
- BBC NEWS | Americas | Boozy bear plunders campers\' beer
A black bear is found sleeping off the effects of a sore head after downing 36 cans of beer at a US campsite. - Bear downs 36 beers, passes out - U.S. news - Weird news - msnbc.com
- Bear Drinks Beer - 8th Generation Honda Civic Forum
Bear guzzles campers' beer, eats food Associated Press DUNBAR, W.Va. - Larry Gaynor and his brother had to cut their latest fishing trip short after a - Jalopnik: Obsessed With The Cult Of Cars
Jalopnik: Obsessed With The Cult Of Cars
CommentsLoading...
I say let them have the beer. Are they truly any more obnoxious or dangerous than your typical football fan? Obviously not!
It's just the bear truth,no argument from me!;)
Breakfastpop- trying saying that 10 times fast. I just did, now I need a drink. A beer will do.
Pcunix- Yes, we should share, it's just too bad they won't take the Busch beer... lord knows that'd be a good way to dispose of all of it! Go Beer Bears!
Mentalist- you're bearly in this plane, so are you sure it's the bear truth? It may be a bear faced lie...
Bears are funny. Especially when they drink beer. I think it started when they had to train for the circus. Beer was a treat to get them to balance on those balls. This set up the genetic mutation of alcoholism in the bear dna.
I'm suprised that there aren't more bears in England... The beer is warmer and live, so considerably more tasty than the popsicle beer, and beer bears seem to exhibit signs of good taste. Maybe they just have a hard time getting served, no ID for one thing, and they are forever loosing their wallets, what with having no pockets and all, and no one likes a moocher. With the broke beer bears getting banned from buying booze, no wonder they go bad...
Austin- wouldn't that be counter-productive? Here bear buddy, get drunk. Are you drunk yet? Good. Now balance on this here ball. It would be loads of fun to watch though!
Chris- your alliteration is beyond awesome. Your conclusions are completely erroneous.
No one likes warm beer. Ah! I heard that scoff, but no. You think you like warm beer, but you do not. You grew up with warm beer do to lack of good refrigeration. The propaganda police convinced you that you liked warm beer.
They tried to convince the bears. The bears, being higher on the beer chain than most of us, quickly hopped a boat to the States.
Soon they will realize that wine is also better in a box.
OMG. I hate it when I due (do) that! "DUE to lack..."
I may have the answer, Sue, to the ursine predilection for the alcoholic beverage known as beer. Certain bears were selected to pose for Charmin commercials. Those bears were given beer to keep them docile during the shoot. They were provided with more beer for the trip back to their native habitat. They are now addicted and require daily hops and malt libations to quell their thirst. So is the bear at fault? No, the villain is Charmin.
Drbj-It's becoming clear to me now. I see why the bear emptied his intestines in the Jetta. He was looking for the Charmin. Being a bear, he must not have been sure which came first, the poopy or the paper. He did, however, know that before it all... came beer.
Thank you for enlightening us all. I will never look at Charmin the same again.
Very funny, kiddo! While trying to visualize Bears drinking beer and balancing on a ball, I got a headache. I think I'll go imbibe in my drink of choice - Ensure.
Loved the hub. As usual, very well written easy to follow and fun to read.
Voted up and funny!
Awesome Hub, sueroy! My only issue is regarding the worst beer on the planet. I nominate Coors as the WAY worst beer on Earth.
Love this, and thanx!
Obviously lorlie6 has never tasted Falstaff, Jax, Schlitz or Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.
I used to bootleg Coors beer on the beach at Galveston when the distributors were not allowed to ship it further south than Dallas. So I owe a great deal of my college education to Coors.
Wasn't there a beer commercial somewhere that advertised with bears? My memory is not what it used to be.
Pixienot- Thanks, mom, for the words of praise. I would take them to heart except that I know you're all hopped up on Ensure.
Lorlie- bite your tongue!
Next to the silver bullet (which never lets me down), Coors light is the cadillac of beers. Have you ever tried Milwaukee's Best? I have to assume you've never had Busch, Slitz, or... well, read Austin's list. I'm going to pretend I didn't see this because I like you. In my mind you don't drink beer, you're just going off of what you've heard from the bears....
Austin- I looked this up just for you...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRbJanbbqnw
It's too funny.
By the way.. kudos for the bootlegging gig. You impress me more every day! I actually remember when you couldn't buy Coors in certain places, I think it tasted better then. (Although, it could have been the "forbidden love" aspect)
hahaha, that was funny, but this is the commercial that was poking my memory cells
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oq6wYSo9uPM
Obviously, I am much older than you Sue!
Austin- Ok, you look about 12 in your picture, but I swear, I don't remember Hamms beer! The cartoon brings back childhood memories, though... I have a feeling you're not too much older than me!!
You got me, I WAS 12! Nah, just kidding. My sister who is 8 years older than I am got into the movies for free once for being under 12 years old. She was 25 at the time and with her husband. HaHa! I got "young" skin genes. Actually, it's the fat genes keeping my wrinkles spread out.
P.S. I'm 58 (but only 40 in my photo)
Austin- you are like a fine wine.. you age wonderfully!
You could totally pass for a young teenager in your photo.. or I need reading glasses. I'm going with the teenager-look!
Do you have any extra "non-aging" genes hanging around?
Yeah for you!!
Thanks! sorry used up all my jeans
Dangit! I'm doomed to age normally, unless I can find the mirror Dick Clark has in his attic!
Hi sueroy! I know some of these bears personally, jetta bear, especially. He's good people. Got a bad rap for the dump thing, he doesn't like German cars. Used to date a German gal and she dumped him. Now he dumps on anything German.
Arb- Thank you for explaining it.
After I wiped up the milk I spit out of my nose while reading your comment, I appreciated knowing the facts. :)
breakfastpop Level 8 Commenter 15 months ago
Just what we need on top of all our problems, a bear beer drinking gang!